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pmwriter

Write a bit about life's little absurdities. Like to work with my hands to cook, to make things, to garden.

Tomato Fail Times Two

Tomato 2

This year’s tomato harvest is dismal. Pathetic even.

Last year the output was smaller than usual so we figured it was time for a new plan. Probably that blight thing, so give up on planting tomatoes in the garden for a year. Try pots on the deck. Fresh tomatoes just steps from the back door. Not so much. Mostly dry, hot summer punctuated by periods of deluge. Plants either too dry (even watering multiple times a day) or too wet.

What to do about spaghetti sauce!

Costco to the rescue!

Tomato 1

This has to be the solution, right?

Then The Splendid Table re-posts a story on canned tomatoes. Clearly, I’ve been dupped by a PR scam. But I’m certainly not going to throw away this jumbo can of tomatoes.

Maybe a little extra vodka in the Pasta alla Vecchia Bettola will cover any shortcomings. And maybe put some of that vodka in a glass rather than in the sauce. . .

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Honey Wasp Don’t Care

Honey wasp

See anything interesting, anything at all? No? Good!

Here in the Land of the Frugal, mulch goes down when the price drops. And the end-of-season price on cedar mulch meant it was time to load up.

So the hubs starts spreading the stuff in the front garden when he feels a sharp pain on his nose. Just about center of this pic is where the honey wasp nest was and the mulching stopped. He got stung, and it wasn’t fun.

The event made him pretty wary because it took three weeks of asking about next steps before a can of wasp destroyer was purchased. Even then, you-know-who had her hand on the nozzle while he pointed where to aim.

Now all’s quiet on the eastern front (yard).

 

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The Kludge Report – Honey Locust Don’t Care Part II

Well, the tab for ‘free’ firewood from the neighbor’s downed honey locustis about $150.

When the small electric log splitter, some hand tools, and a lot of elbow grease didn’t make any headway on turning those logs into firewood, the hubs headed to Northern Tool. (By the by, is there a name any more flannel than that? Probably not.)

Anyway, he came home with a hand-powered 10-ton splitter. And this is is what happened.

Honey locust 4

Lots of creaks and snaps. Flipped the log over, more creaks and snaps. No split.

Then we looked at the splitter. New personal best: Broke a piece of new equipment in under an hour. The creaks and snaps were the frame saying Hey you two idiots, STOP. Bent that puppy good. The wheels rolled no more.

At this point (or perhaps sooner. . .), the battle has become personal and the hubs heads to Lowe’s, comes home with some angle iron, and some nuts and bolts. Heads to the basement. Lots of loud sawing, banging, and whatnot. And this is what happened.

Honey locust 7

Behold the newly reinforced log splitter. Frame whacked back into shape, too.

honey locust 6

Again with the creaking and snapping. But at this point, what the hell. It works or it don’t; no point in babying the thing.

Honey locust 5

Houston, we have liftoff! Whew. A little ‘finessing’ required as the frame inhibits the split on larger logs.

But that’s a small price to pay.

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Winter is Coming. . .

Rarely have I looked forward to fall with such unabashed desperation. Not a hot weather person, I.

So last week when we walked from the heat of the day into the concrete coolness of Costco and I saw the paperwhites, well, I almost hugged the display. Thank goodness I didn’t. How embarrassing would that be?

My second reaction was the headline for this post popping into my head, along with The Iceman Cometh, which would be the old entertainment reference used before Game of Thrones. Haven’t seen either, actually.

At least all this only happened in my head. Can you imagine me hugging bags of bulbs shouting random cold-weather references at the Costco entrance? Why did you say yes, you could imagine that?

Winter is coming

Figured it was time to load up on winter food, too. Hello Panko Chicken Nuggets, pass the hot sauce!

Then, just a couple of days later, came the long-range weather forecast from The Old Farmer’s Almanac (via Elle Decor. . . whatever). Thinking cool thoughts. . .

Please excuse me, I need to go in my closet and stare longingly at my sweaters. It’s still too hot and muggy to even touch them.

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What Have You Been Up To?

Montana

This is one of Montana’s favorite places to take in the world. Naturally, she wouldn’t move with the camera pointed at her. I wanted to capture her in-and-out move: She wraps her front paws around a baluster and squeezes herself through. The move was so cute — if a bit hair-raising — when she was a kitten; now it’s just comical.

Been thinking I need to get back to the blog; this long, hot summer has been absolutely de-energizing and demotivating. Where is that damn pink bunny when you need it?

Time to ease back into the task. This pic seemed like the right thing for a light Monday post. Hope all has been well with you.

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The Kludge Report – Geezer Edition

About 20 years ago, when some may still have called him young or at least youthful, I realized the hubs was a geezer. It’s a long story involving a perfectly nice young woman with a nose piercing. Even with that snippet, you can paint the picture.

This realization has been reinforced many times since, often involving the dogs. For example, feeding spoonfuls of his DQ Blizzard to the dog then feeding himself with the same spoon. I hope no one is eating as they read this, apologies. . .

The latest evidence involves Iko and her pool. Let me begin by noting this is Iko’s second pool. The pup’s only a year and a half old. She’s the only pet to get a pool, no less two. Give me a G!

Exhibit A is this contraption:

Iko pool 1

That mess of PVC and tubing is a filtration system. The pool and accompanying kludge displaced a lovely fountain that used to grace the deck. Give me an E and another E!

Iko pool 4

This is the pump that runs the system. The fountain pump wasn’t sufficient. He spent actual money to get a bigger pump. Give me a Z!

Iko pool 2

The clamp (actually a plastic clothespin from Target – only the best – usually employed to hold shade fabric in place over spring garden plants) holds the tubing in place because, well, it might fall out. That is an actual concern? Give me an E!

Iko pool 3

The 2-inch PVC spout was salvaged from the previous attempt at a filtration system. The use of this pipe was extolled to me as a money saver. Give me an R!

Iko pool 5

In the recent heat wave, Iko enjoyed her pool at least twice a day. That means the hubs was out of the house for extended periods twice a day while I was inside enjoying the blissful sound of silence. Give me a half dozen exclamation points!!!!!!

 

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It Bears Repeating

Again! Again! The little girl says as she spins the revolving door in the TV commercial. The joy of repetition of a joyful thing. Mostly.

Twice last week I made desserts with a long, dependable history. Both reminded me of the tension-filled joy of cooking. It’s all in the details.

Banana cake

The hubs went off-list at the grocery store. I remembered that you said you wanted bananas, so I bought bananas! He said. Two rules of buying bananas: No more than four, and on the green side. I eat only half at a time (the end of the other half protected with a food hugger), and less-than-ripe bananas have some nutrition stuff that’s really good for you. I remembered the smart thing to do, not the specifics. . . .

Six almost fully ripe bananas were a problem waiting to happen. I dug up an old favorite recipe for banana cake which is actually a blend of two recipes. Here’s what I saw.

Banana cake recipes

I haven’t made this in a long time. First, I accidentally followed the cake recipe, thereby putting in too much flour. Then I proceeded to just guess — reduced the sugar a bit, went generous on the salt and baking soda, added less oatmeal. It worked! Loved the outcome but doubt I could repeat it.

That leads us to the ice cream.

ice cream soft

As per my stated goal, we are eating only homemade ice cream this summer — aside from a moment of weakness brought on by a sale of Eskimo Pie Ice Cream Sandwiches.

To trim the calories a little, I substituted 2 percent milk and low-fat cream cheese. The mix was thinner while cooking and for some reason I didn’t simmer it as exuberantly as usual. Chilled it for about 3 hours, anxious to see how it was going to turn out. It churned completely differently than previously — still not super thick after 30 minutes. (This is close to the 20 minute mark; even that is longer than standard.)

ice cream soft mix

After a good freeze, the ice cream turned out much softer but still nicely set. No need to let it warm for a few minutes before serving. The hubs said it was perfect, preferred this. Do it again, again! I would, but I don’t know what exactly caused this consistency. So I proceeded to revert to the old method to see what happened. Harder simmer on the mix, super-cooled overnight. Let it sit at room temp for about 20 minutes before churning. It’s softer than usual, but not the texture of the first batch.

I guess that’s the problem with us creative types — we just hate doing anything the same way twice.

 

Smoked and Slow — and Just Slow

pork shoulder

Back in the day, some time in early spring, I would buy a package of two humongous pork shoulders and make porchetta from a recipe that ran in The Washington Post. Fennel seed, rosemary, crushed black peppercorns, and a few more seasonings — oh the flavor. Divvied up and frozen, we ate well until late fall on a one-time cooking event. The recipe includes a good BBQ-style sauce so pulled pork sandwiches were a summer staple.

If memory serves, the last time I made it, the meat was a bit tough. And slow-cooking, to state the obvious, eats up the whole day. Finally decided it wasn’t worth the effort.

Recently the hubs was watching Steven Raichlen smoke pork shoulder and, well, before you can say ‘add the wood chips,’ there’s a familiar package of meat on the counter. He went for the smoking method (on our tiny Smokey Joe Weber grill) and I used the oven method.

smoked shoulder

Mine cooked faster by more than an hour, but speed doesn’t win much here. The smoked shoulder (above) was noticeably more tender. We’ve been adding the BBQ sauce and enjoying pulled pork sandwiches. The hubs even tops it with Asian slaw – a little odd, perhaps, but it works.The flavor is stronger, more in-your-face, than the porchetta.

That flavor, flavor, flavor of the porchetta. I am definitely not a supertaster; generally the stronger the flavor, the better I like a food. This porchetta is an exception. It is quieter tasting (as opposed to mild), best served on its own. How to keep that flavor and get the meat tender. We rewatched Mr. Raichlen’s cooking technique, searched the interwebs, and decided (without debate) to lower the cooking temp (how low is still under debate), increase the cooking time and try again.

Now all we have to do is finish these two cuts first. . . It could be awhile.

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The B Side

Blueberry crumble

Went to a soiree last Saturday evening at a friend’s swanky new home. In the email invite exchange, he said the savouries were covered and I could bring a sweet if desired, but not required. We’re both Midwesterners so no invitation comes without an offer to bring something, and a host never insists guests bring anything — but we both know that bringing something is Official Midwestern Policy.

The day before, in our fridge was a Costco container of blueberries. The plan was to make blueberry muffins, experiment with carbonated blueberries (saw this on New Scandinavian Cooking), and eat the rest in yogurt.

Paragraphs 1 and 2 were to be separate events. But when I opened the binder of misc. baking recipes, on the flip side of a recipe sleeve was Blueberry Crumble Bars. Hmmmm. So I broke the first rule of cooking for guests: I used a new recipe. And I upsized it. The recipe called for a jelly roll pan of smaller dimensions than a standard cookie sheet. So I just made a generous smidge more of shortbread crust, gooey filling, and strudel topping. Plus, I’d already started eating the blueberries in my yogurt, so I added frozen Maine wild blueberries (in-house stock for blueberry muffins and blueberry buckwheat pancakes) to cover the deficit.

Blueberry crumble 2

The result was pretty terrific, and I don’t have only my opinion to back that up. The hubs, the hosts, and the blueberry-fan guests were also impressed. I may just run with scissors more often.

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